Written in Heaven

I grew up in a Christian home with incredible Christian parents. They led lives of example for me that still influence me deeply today. I went to church all my life, accepted Christ at a young age and have lived faithfully for Him ever since, or so I thought.

As I grew in my faith, I quickly became very Pharisaical (Pharisee-like) in my beliefs and extremely quick to judge. Never verbally, but in my head (which is probably worse). I began to look at how much worse off everyone was than me, and how I could be thankful that I wasn't like them. The worst part was I was completely unaware of this part of my life.

Through personal study and prayer, God convicted me of this behavior and beliefs and changed my life. What was odd about it though, is that my beliefs didn't go right to where they should have, but went to a different place. There became a new belief that moved in that said basically, "what Christ did in my life through the cross wasn't as significant (as other people's lives) because I wasn't that bad to begin with." Now, putting that into type makes me very ashamed and uncomfortable, but it's part of my testimony. I would read about sin being slain through the cross and victory over addictions and death and think, "that's great for all those people who need that." Again, I was completely lacking awareness of who God is.

A couple years ago I heard a message from Mark Driscoll, pastor of Mars Hill Church in Seattle, and he was talking about Paul. Mark said that Paul's writings as he got older in life really focused on how bad of a person Paul (himself) was. Now this wasn't because Paul was backsliding (to go old-school on you), but because Paul was becoming more aware of how awesome God is and how truly terrible he was without God.

That moment revolutionized my life. I repented right there for minimizing the work of God in my own life and have prayed every day for that awareness of how good God is and how I can't live without Him. That marked the first time in my life where I grasped the significance of the cross in my own life and have never looked back since. That moment brought on new meanings to the words "grace," "mercy," "love," "hope," and ultimately "joy" as I found what it was that God had for me all along.